"What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ."
~ Philippians 3:8
The Lord has been reminding me of this question for quite some time now. "Sydney, where is your worth?" Over the course of the past few months my life has been full of transitions. Moving, starting seminary, pluging into a new church plant, and even a new hair cut. At every turn my Father has something to teach me. I can choose to become frustrated when things don't go as I thought they should. I can allow myself to become discouraged because someone didn't invest in me as I had hoped. Then the question arises yet again. "Sydney, where is your worth?"
In many ways my life seems to be a continuous cycle of abandonment and the desire for approval. The Lord has restored so much in lieu of broken relationships over the past year. To say that I am grateful would be a grave understatement. Yet I have found myself in that place again over the past several weeks. That place of longing for approval.
All of this was spurred on by a Facebook de-friending about two months back. Seems so petty now, but at the time it felt just like every other form of abandonment I have become all too familiar with throughout my life. It's in these moments that I must choose to believe that my worth is only found in Christ. The lies I've heard throughout my life come back to haunt me: "you'll never amount to anything... you're not good enough... you're not pretty enough... you're not smart enough."
Through the encouragement of a couple fabulous friends, the Lord prompted me to remember. It was like He was telling me, "Sydney, remember how through your feelings of abandonment you found Me? Remember how I restored all that was broken? Don't let what others tell you or how they feel about you determine how you measure your worth. Your worth is in Me. I am sufficient in your weaknesses, remember?"
Even though I hate the feelings of inadequacies, rejection, etc. I am grateful that the Lord reminded me of this lesson. The FB defriending taught me a great deal. 1) Don't put too much stock in how others feel about you. They are human just like me... sinful and full of mistakes. 2) Remember Whose you are! The moment I begin to value the opinions of others too much I lose sight of my worth as His daughter. I am redeemed and set apart; that alone holds more weight than any group/clique I could ever be accepted into. 3) We will always have insecurities arise as long as we are on this side of Heaven. Until the FB incident happened I honestly thought I was good in the insecurity area. Because the Lord has put together so many pieces of my brokenness I was surprised when this bout with insecurity came up.
As people we want to be valued. We want to be accepted. We want to matter. When anything happens to stop this validation it seems like our world crumbles. The Facebook defriending is minimal in comparison to other events, but the feelings are the same. Those lies that I've fought off for so long I believed in that moment. Maybe I really wasn't worth the time, even on FB.
Friends, if our worth is found in anyone or anything besides Christ we will be disappointed. Our relationships, careers/jobs, church involvement, etc. do not make us who we are. These are all merely things that we are a part of. As believers, we are the Body of Christ, His bride. That's who we are. If our worth is truly found in Him we will gain a better perspective concerning the priorities in life. Not everyone is going to like us. Not everyone is going to appreciate us or notice the good work we've accomplished. But these things should not steal our joy that Christ grants us.
We must strive to only have security in Christ. Everything else and everyone else will fail us. If we put our hope and our worth in anything else we will be prone to become an insecure mess.
I am determined to strive to walk in security in Christ each day. The moment I forget Who I belong to is the very moment the Enemy throws the past lies back at me.
We are a redeemed people called to live for His renown. If we place our worth in anything/one other than Christ we lessen what was accomplished on the Cross on our behalf. That, my friends, is something I simply don't want to be known for.