When I met Joseph he was training for his first
half marathon. While we were dating I traveled to Florida with him and a
group of friends to cheer them on during another race. So I knew when we
were reading all of those marriage books leading up to the wedding that each
time they mentioned that the wife should take up her husband's hobbies that I'd
be taking up more exercise. I can laugh about how dedicated Joseph is and
how I just simply wasn't disciplined in this area, but the truth is I was scared
to even darken the door of a gym, much less begin training for a half to run
with Joseph.
After I got my master's degree under my belt I felt
invincible! Why not go ahead and start this thing? I began training
for a race and immediately understood what so many had told me prior about running
being just as much mental as it is physical. When I first began to
feel the pain in my legs I just thought that it's an issue that everyone who
chooses to train experiences. After many tear-filled moments as I dealt
with the pain Joseph convinced me to seek help and answers.
Google gave me some answers that helped and some
that scared me, but it wasn't until I began talking with a friend about it that
it began making more sense. She recently completed Physical Therapy
School and willingly evaluated my legs and all the issues. The PT that
she recommended helped immensely, but she told me things to look out for.
She informed me that what I've been experiencing in my legs is mild
compartment syndrome. (If you Google it, don't freak out like I did! My legs
haven't split open.) Due to a lack of space in certain
compartments/sections of my legs there is not enough room for accurate blood
flow to the muscles in those areas. This causes tightness and swelling.
The PT that she taught Joseph and me allowed me to make it through the 8
mile run, which again made me feel like I could do anything.
It wasn't until last week that I had to promise
both Joseph and my mom that if the pain continued that I wouldn't run the race
at the end of February. After I made it through this week's shorter runs
with minimal pain I believed that yesterday's 10 miles would be fine, too.
The promise I made was that if I had trouble during the 10 mile run that I'd
simply be a spectator.
When Joseph and I got only 1.5 miles in yesterday I
began to have more pain in my legs than I had experienced before. I
looked down to see that the swelling in my legs was extremely noticeable.
My right leg looked somewhat like a medium size apple was protruding
through... trust me, this is not like the lady lumps Fergie rants about.
Not cute. As I began to cry uncontrollably, Joseph comforted me by
saying, "God is the only One you have to worry about pleasing.” I
looked up at him from my doubled over position and asked, "So, you're not
mad at me?" I wanted so badly to accomplish this race with him and
to prove that I could do it. I couldn’t stand the though of letting anyone
down, or worse having people believe that I’m one to give up easily.
Sweet Joseph reassured me that he wasn't disappointed and that I shouldn’t
worry about the opinions of others. He would rather me not run the race
than to continue and make the issues I've been experiencing worse.
So, here I am. Sore, swollen legs due to a
condition I had never even heard of until a few weeks ago, and unable to
accomplish something that I've committed to.
Yesterday I had lots of moments where I just had to
cry it out like a toddler in a crib. Emotions of defeat and
disappointment flooded my mind. While Joseph was out finishing the 10
miles for the training schedule, I was home cleaning the house. God
encouraged me so much when I was steaming the floors and scrubbing the toilets.
God reminded me of the courage it took for me to
even begin this training. He reminded me of the dedication I've learned
through this process and the routine that I have created for me to exercise
regularly. Finishing would have been a huge success for me, but the Lord
encouraged me yesterday that even beginning was a huge feat for me, too.
Running is not something that I am good at, and
didn't enjoy at all prior to beginning training. But, I've learned a
great deal about trusting in Power beyond myself to start something new.
When I started Seminary I had no idea what all it would entail, but I
finished. Starting to run proved to myself that I can do what people do
not expect of me.
Not being able to continue with my training for the
half marathon is disappointing, but I am grateful that I know that my excuse
here is not mental, it's not made up, nor is it something I can control.
It was so tempting to continue running through the pain, but as my legs
became more swollen and as I experienced more tingling and numbness in my feet
and lower legs it was as if God put His hand on my shoulder and said, "I'm
proud of you for even trying. You had courage to begin something that
very few believed you could accomplish. You haven't disappointed Me,
because I know that You are still trusting me through this."
So, I leave you with this encouragement that I have
received from the Lord in the last several hours: It takes great courage
to begin something new. Don't get too discouraged when things out of your
control hinder you from running across a finish line, meeting a deadline, or
overcoming a fear. God's with you. He's proud of you for even
taking on the courage to begin.
If you can't run, maybe you can bike or swim.
He gives us options, but all along the way is teaching us to be a people
who trust in His strength and recognize that our giving up doesn't necessarily
mean that we are unsuccessful.
It takes courage to begin. Rest in that, knowing He's proud that
you even tried.
