I wish I could adequately express the measure of the Lord’s faithfulness in our lives over the past eight months. Joseph and I have been blessed by sweet friends and family members who have loved on us, prayed for us, and have served us well since losing our sweet baby in July 2014.
There have been many times we have questioned why we were allowed to go through infertility and then experience a miscarriage. Over and over again the Lord whispers so sweetly, “I entrusted you with this.”
The pain of losing a child is real. After waiting so long to become pregnant and to experience the joy of awaiting a child’s arrival only to have empty arms after such a tragedy is something indescribable.
Though there have been many tears shed over the loss of our first baby, I can testify that hope is on the other side of the painful journey that I know so many are walking just as we did.
In the days and months just after the miscarriage, Joseph and I had many conversations concerning our satisfaction in the Lord alone. If we were to become pregnant again, we would praise Him. If not, we would praise Him.
We are grateful and humbled that the Lord has blessed us with another pregnancy. Three months after we lost the first baby, we were delightfully surprised that we were pregnant again. The grace of the Lord has been so evident to us throughout the past several months.
Though I am able to rejoice about the arrival of Baby Charlton in July 2015, I often still think about our first child. I will be forever grateful for the ways in which the Lord has used our story to minister to others experiencing the same tragedy. Even still, I wonder a great deal about who they would have looked like, if they would have been super intelligent like Joseph or sarcastic like me. I know that the Lord doesn’t mind my wondering, because it’s in those moments that He reassures me of the hope that I have in Him.
Regardless of our circumstances, the unfulfilled longings of our hearts, or even our uncertainty in difficult moments, we can cling to the hope we have in Him.
Hebrews 6:19 “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”
I know that there are many in a season of waiting. Waiting for the right job; waiting for their spouse to finally arrive on the scene; waiting for a child; waiting for reassurance that they are where they need to be.
THERE IS HOPE IN JESUS! In the moments of our wondering if we would become pregnant again after the miscarriage, hope was the theme the Lord continued to reveal to us. As we long for Him to move on our behalf, He always reveals more of Who He is. His sufficiency prodded Joseph and me to come to a sweet place of surrender. Even if our hearts longing to be parents was to be unfulfilled, Jesus would be praised. When He becomes our hearts object of affection above everything else, He truly becomes our all. Now, don’t get me wrong. We still wanted a child, but if the Lord saw fit for us not to have a baby, we chose to praise Him just the same.
My encouragement today comes from the beautiful, yet difficult, lessons the Father has taught me over the past several months. Though I don’t have answers for all of His reasoning behind entrusting us with the journey of infertility and a miscarriage, I do know that part of it was to make Him name known.
Our prayer before we became pregnant last summer was for our child to impact the nations for the sake of Christ’s name and His renown. My blog “Ministry in Miscarriage” was the avenue in which the Lord answered that prayer. The Lord instructed very clearly to share our story. At the time, I didn’t quite understand why. He chose to entrust us with the journey we have walked in order for thirteen countries to read the blog and respond. Thirteen! Only the Lord could use a simply written blog post to reach several countries in order for them to hear about the hope we have in Christ.
Today I am more confident of this hope than ever before.
Today is the day between…
Yesterday we had a terrific appointment to check on Baby Charlton (and to find out baby’s gender!). Tomorrow is the due date given for our first pregnancy.
Today, the day between the moment of celebrating a healthy baby and the day we mourn for our first child, His hope is so present.
This morning I cried just thinking of how beautifully God has orchestrated everything for us. My banner verse, Romans 5:6, rings true again. “At just the right time” He has chosen to fulfill His promises. Only He could remind us of His faithfulness through an ultrasound of Baby Charlton just two days before our first due date and plan our pregnancy in such a manner that allows us to welcome our child into the world almost a year to the day that we miscarried.
Life after infertility and miscarriage are full of hope.
Please be encouraged. He knows your longing that you are desperately seeking Him to fulfill. He knows the disappointments you have endured along the way. And He remains steadfast through it all.
Keep seeking Him. Allow Him to truly be your sufficiency. Your desires may never come to fruition, but you can be assured that dwelling in His presence grants to us His love and goodness in our lives. (Psalm 23:6)
On this, the day between what will soon be and what could have been for us, Joseph and I are confident in the Lord’s plan for our lives and for the lives of our children.
Whatever season you find yourself in, may your hope in the Lord and His goodness remain steadfast.