Morganne

At a Night of Ministry with Kari Jobe & Christine Caine

Through each season of my life the Lord has been gracious enough to gift me with the presence of people who have influenced me for the better.  This is a story of one of those people.

After working as a pre-school teacher for a short time while I was living at an inner-city ministry, I did what I said I would never do: go to work for my alma mater.  It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy my time as a student at Belhaven University. I didn’t want to become an employee of the institution because so many graduates took that route, and ultimately I didn’t see it as part of my calling: ministry.

For those of you who know me well, you know that my journey to be in full time ministry has certainly been a winding road.  Through each job, the Lord has shown me the importance of understanding that even the simplest task can be ministry when we are willing to commit our ways fully to Him.  I could go on for a while about that lesson, but I won’t now.

I didn’t quite understand why the Lord had me go back to Belhaven to work in the admission office.  After much asking, He showed me.

Her name is Morganne.

I was in need of help from a work-study student and was in the process of interviewing new freshman students for the position.  I had no idea how to interview someone who was not that much younger than me, so of course my “interviews” simply became chats about life.  I wanted to know where they grew up, what they were interested in, and what they were passionate about.  After I spoke with a couple of students, I heard her in the lobby of the office.

When the receptionist told Morganne I that I was available right then I heard, “But I’m not dressed for an interview right now!  Are you sure?” in the best Wetumpka, Alabama drawl.

Morganne rounded the corner to come to my desk and immediately I noticed the massive arm sling and pillow like brace holding her shoulder in place.  “It’s from a tumbling accident.  I just had surgery… but I can do whatever you need me to do!”  Her enthusiasm was contagious, and we certainly needed more of it in the office.  She was a very determined freshman elementary education major and cheerleader. 

After we discussed her babysitting job experience, I just had an overwhelming peace in my spirit that the Lord sent her to me.  We talked more, and then I asked, “So, when can you start?”  After working out a schedule around her classes and cheer practice, it had been set.

Each afternoon Morganne would come help me with seemingly meaningless tasks.  But as she folded mail for me and complied supplies for admission packets, we were able to talk.  We talked a lot!  Many afternoons were simply spent with her sitting with me at my desk. 

In the beginning of her time with me as work-study, our conversations were about freshman boys (one in particular), her weekend plans with Sydney (the other one J), and how her classes were going.

As our friendship grew, the Lord continually showed me the importance in investing in Morganne’s life.  She has always been super cute, friendly, smart (gosh, don’t you hate that?), but I feared that others didn’t see what I saw in Morganne.  I wanted others to look past the cute exterior to see how much He planned to use her for the Kingdom.

After just a few short weeks of knowing her, I knew something great was going to transpire soon. But until then, I committed to chatting about cute clothes and cheer.

Then it happened.  There was a huge shift in her priorities and the Lord allowed me to witness it.  Belhaven and being in Jackson wasn’t about being popular or even well liked.  Morganne’s sole desire became simply to know God more intimately.  After we walked through her dating here and there, it always came back to the one guy she told me about when we first spoke.  Hamilton was the one.  She told me.  And let me just say, that when Morganne has something in mind, all systems are GO!  Her confidence in the Lord’s call on her life and on Hamilton’s was inspiring.  Rather than pursuing fleeting relationships, Morganne’s heart was only seeking the Lord.  When I would say, “Morganne, are you sure?  Have you asked God about this?  Y’all are such good friends.” Morganne would simply say, “Yep.  I just know I’m supposed to wait.  I’m going to be Mrs. Hamilton Harper.”  That same zeal encouraged me as Joseph and I first started dating. “Syd, this is a date!”  “Morganne, we are just going to dinner to catch up.  I want to hear about his summer in Africa.”  The next day I had to tell her she was right.

Nine months after Joseph and I started dating, we were married.  And my sweet Morganne and her best friend, Sydney, drove from Alabama to support us and help at the reception.  Morganne’s relentless encouragement towards us still means the world.  Sometimes “God things” don’t always make sense.  Morganne never questioned Joseph and me after we were engaged just eleven weeks after we started dating.  “When you know, you know, Syd!”

Morganne with me minutes before I walked down the aisle

As my time at Belhaven ended, I’m blessed to say that my relationship with Morganne didn’t.  We endured the effects of almost going into a GiGi’s Cupcake sugar coma together, and made time to hang out when we could.

Joseph and I have watched Morganne become a woman with purpose.  When she invited us to hear her share her testimony in front of her peers at church, I knew the mission of her life wasn’t simply to teach children and encourage others with her bubbly personality and her “everything happens for a reason” mentality.  Her life’s aim became influencing people for the purpose of showing them a better glimpse of the Kingdom of God.

Morganne has chosen joy despite difficult circumstances she has walked through.  That contagious joy overflowed to Joseph and me when we were walking through infertility, then our miscarriage.  She opened up her apartment to serve us and to love us well during those difficult days.  She’s prayed and warred in the heavenly places on our behalf.  She’s both laughed and cried with us when we needed it the most.  Through it all she has continually helped me refocus my perspective.

Celebrating at Morganne's wedding shower when I was VERY pregnant with Ada

Today as Morganne celebrates another birthday, I celebrate the gift she is to me and so many others.  I celebrate her willingness to confidently proclaim what the Lord has shown her.  I celebrate the courage she has to stand out.  And I celebrate the story the Lord has given her.

Morganne meeting Ada for the first time

Part of her story is that what she declared as a freshman student came to be.  I was honored and privileged to stand with her as she became Mrs. Hamilton Harper.  Their wedding ceremony was nothing short of glorious.  It was a true testament of my banner “at just the right time”.  Hamilton and Morganne are world-changers, a couple driven by the purpose of the Lord, and ones filled with an inspiring faith.

Oh, glorious day!

Just when we think the Lord has brought someone into our lives to minister to, He shows us that He brought them to us to change us. 
Morganne, you have taught me more about steadfast faith than you can ever know.  I never imagined that the Lord would allow our relationship to go so far beyond being a work-study student, but I am honored that it has.  You have reminded me of the importance of simply being kind to everyone.  You are a precious gift to me and my family.

Happy birthday, my dear!  You are so loved!

Celebrating the Harpers!

Celebrating the Child I Never Met

Our journey to parenthood took longer than anticipated, as many of you know, but the lessons learned pertaining to His faithfulness are too numerous to mention.  Therefore, making our journey well worth it.

This week, our first baby would have had their first birthday.  I choose to celebrate their little life because of all the Lord has taught me through them.

Celebrating someone I have never met, but whom I prayed for, hoped for, and experienced my first pregnancy symptoms from isn’t rooted in me wanting to harp on the topic of our miscarriage.  Rather, my celebration stems from my thankfulness.  Though losing our baby was the most difficult, most painful experience Joseph and I have faced, I am thankful that the Lord entrusted us with the story.

Rather than adorning our home with balloons and lighting a candle on top of a cake for our little one this week, I am celebrating by choosing to remember His goodness to us.

I celebrate by remembering the joy I felt seeing a positive pregnancy test for the first time.  After being told that my dream of becoming a mother may not come to fruition, I was elated to finally see a positive test.  The joy that washed over me was like none other I had experienced.  I let out a sigh of relief and tears of excitement as I shared the news with Joseph.

I celebrate by remembering my first pregnancy symptoms, though some weren’t so glorious.  I felt like I was living a fairytale during the first days and weeks of our first pregnancy.  Joseph and I were so thrilled by our news!  We had become weary while waiting for our prayers to be answered, and our news became the beginning of a different season for us.

I celebrate the child I never met because through them the Lord reminded me that He certainly does hear our cries. Psalm 116:2 (NLT) “Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!” Through our first baby, the Lord encouraged our hearts by reassuring us that He is far superior to any reports that we had received by medical personnel.  Though I heard the report that I may never have a baby, my heart never allowed me to believe it.  I knew that the Lord was near to us and heard us.

I celebrate our first baby because our marriage was strengthened and our relationships with other believers grew deeper.  The love from others that Joseph and I experienced through walking through our miscarriage is unexplainable.  Family members and friends grieved with us and loved us well.  Joseph and I learned how to seriously press in to the Lord more and how to handle tragedy together.

I celebrate our first baby because I learned contentment through knowing of them, even for a short while, then losing them.  Through our first pregnancy, the Lord fulfilled a promise.  I don’t take that lightly.  After our miscarriage, Joseph and I had to come to a serious place of contentment and surrender.  We had to be fine with knowing that it was a possibility that we may never become pregnant again and that the baby we would never meet may be the only one we’d ever have.  Arriving to that place wasn’t easy for me.  The days after our miscarriage were difficult, but full of the Lord’s grace.  God sweetly ushered us into a place of truly experiencing His peace.  I learned of His sufficiency like I had never known before. He was enough.

The baby clothing and cutesy things I had been storing up in hopes of one day bringing a baby home began making their way to the homes of children who were welcomed into the world by our friends.

As I relinquished those material possessions, I’d hear the Lord say, “I’ve got you.”  I cried a lot, not surprising to any of you who know me well.  I cried over mourning for the child I’ll never meet, but I also cried because of the faithfulness the Lord chose to bestow upon us.  He continually reminded us that He entrusted us with all that we had experienced.  The decision to become bitter about it or to choose to strive to glorify Him in it was completely up to us.

I celebrate the child I never met because of how I experienced the love of the Father through them.  Through anticipating their arrival for only a couple of months, I gained greater perspective pertaining to Psalm 37:4.  “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”  After the miscarriage, I learned to truly desire the Lord and Him only.  I learned what it meant to only want to be in His presence, to long for Him to move, and to want to please Him.  When He became my heart’s desire, He honored His promised and daily renewed me and filled me with Himself.

I celebrate the child I never met because they are a part of our family’s story.  In His mercy and grace over us, God chose to bless us with Ada.  We found out she would be arriving just three months after our miscarriage was confirmed.  She is seven months old now, and being her mom is far better than I ever imagined.

But what if God had chosen not to bless us with another baby?  I would have still celebrated.  It’s not up to me to determine the circumstances in which I praise the Lord.  My obligation is to praise Him despite my circumstances.

Even now, with Ada here, the Lord continues to whisper over me, “I’ve got you.”  I’m constantly reminded of His presence as I speak the same over Ada when she’s fussy. “Shh, shh, shh. Sweet girl, I’ve got you.”  And He nudges me so gently, “And I’ve still got you, Sydney.”

It’s easy to become weary in our current situation and wonder if the Lord is paying attention to us at all.  Pay attention.  He’s beckoning you to hear Him say, “I’ve got you.”

Some reading this are still in their season of waiting, and have grown weary there.  Listen to Him!  He’s got you.  In the moments of wondering how you’re going to get everything done--- laundry, dishes, paying the bills, preparing meals, and your long list of to-do’s at work --- hear Him whisper, “Shh, shh, shh. I’ve got you!”  When you wonder if anyone sees your efforts at work, or if they care He says, “I care. I see.  I’ve got you.”  When your mind lingers in that place of simply wanting to know when your life’s goals will be met – marriage, kids, career, etc.--- rest knowing that His plan for you is far better than you know. 

In your seasons of waiting, wondering why you experienced tragedy, why you haven’t known joy like you’d hoped, choose to celebrate.  Lamentations 3:25 (NIV) “The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him…”

Choose to celebrate Him, the giver of good gifts even when your circumstances are less than desirable.  Choose to honor Him in how you handle difficulty.

Though I have chosen to celebrate our first child, I still have moments when the memories of our miscarriage overwhelm me.  This week has been difficult.  I will probably always wonder about their personality or who they would have looked like.  But I will always be grateful, because I know that without them, without experiencing losing them, we wouldn’t have Ada.

Be encouraged knowing that the Lord loves you enough to see you through whatever difficulty or trial you find yourself in.  There will always be a reason for you to be downtrodden, but He is a greater reason to celebrate through your circumstances.  Your prayers may not be answered the way you hope, but you can know for sure that your prayers are heard.  He knows what He’s doing.  Isaiah 55:9 (NIV): “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

You are loved, Baby Charlton, and you are worth celebrating!

“I never got to hold you, or bounce you on my lap.  I never got to read to you, or watch you as you nap.  You slipped away so quickly, before I said your name.  And I want the world to know I loved you just the same.” ~A. Peterson

We're Rich!

With mother’s day tomorrow, I cannot help but reflect on all of the things my mom has seen me through, supported me in, and taught me.  There are many things mom taught me that I hope to instill in Ada as she grows up; but one lesson my mama taught me particularly stands out, as I am only weeks away from our due date.

As a young girl, I remember asking my sweet mother, “Mama, are we rich?”  The question was usually spurred on after playground conversations with friends as they chatted about how much money they were given for their good grades, how extravagant their Christmas gifts were, or even how much money their parents made.

Mama’s response to my question was always the same.  “Sydney, we are rich in the things that matter most.”

For a girl in elementary school, the answer alone seemed sufficient.  Mama said we’re rich, so I believed we were.  It wasn’t until I became a teenager that I really began to understand all that she meant.

You see most of my childhood was spent in a single-parent household.  My mom, brother, and I have lived through many various difficulties, but in the midst of them, mom never gave a hint that things were in turmoil.

We were rich in the things that mattered most.

Mama had every earthly right to complain about finances, but she never did.   My brother and I never did without anything we needed, and mama worked hard to make sure that most of our “wants” were covered, too.  Growing up, I never knew the stress that mama carried concerning the needs she had to meet for our family.  Mama always said, “It is just money, kids.  We can’t take it to Glory with us.”  Or, “God’s got us.  We can’t worry about it too much.”  Now, as an adult, listening to the stories of how the Lord carried us through during the days when her income didn’t cover the expenses, Mama’s trust in Him cultivates more trust within myself.

My precious mom never put herself above my brother and myself.  She selflessly attended countless ball games, baton competitions, and singing performances, cheering us on and smiling as we played/preformed.  She worked long hours in our school’s concessions stand after she had worked all day, just to help our school raise money.  She used her vacation days from work to chaperone church camp trips over the summer, only after she single-handedly planned all of our fundraising for our group to even be able to attend the camp.

She never complained.  Rather, she would say, “When I chose to be a mom, I chose to be apart of your lives.”

Mama has taught me the importance of truly understanding the beauty of the blessings we have been given.  By the world’s standards we may not have much.  But because of the lesson Mama instilled in me, I know that we are rich.

We are rich in love.

She’s always taught us the importance of family.  Regardless of our circumstances, I’ve always known that our family would help one another.  She’s taught us how to love deeply and serve one another well.

We are rich in laughter.

For anyone who knows my mom, you know that she laughs with her soul.  Mama has led our family well in many, many ways.  Always telling us not to take ourselves too seriously and laughing with us (and at us) has developed a unique bond between us where we can be serious in one moment and laugh hysterically with one another the next.

 (Picture from Mom's 50th birthday trip)

We are rich in trust and commitment.

The seasons of life that the Lord has led our family through has cultivated a great deal of trust in Him, but also in one another.  We are a family committed to looking after one another’s interests.  Mama’s words when my younger brother and I would argue growing up were, “When I’m dead and gone, you two are all you will have left of this family.”  Her intent wasn’t to sound morbid, but to teach us the importance of us seeing the bigger picture.  We are a family that sticks together regardless of our differences concerning different matters.  We can trust one another because of that commitment.

We are rich in faith.

My mom’s routine of taking us to church every time the doors were open wasn’t a matter of religious duty.  Mama’s life embodies genuine faith.  Her persistence in prayer, in good and difficult life seasons, taught us what to value most.  Going to church growing up, I witnessed my mother serve those who were hurting in the congregation.  I witnessed her using monetary resources that we could have used elsewhere to buy groceries for other single moms.  Most parents wouldn’t buy a mini-van just to make sure they had enough seats to take all of the kids to church that came to our house after school on Wednesdays --- but mine did.  Her faith is truly who she is.  She admits that it’s scary at times, but having the faith to press on, she continues to live what she believes.  The Lord will provide.  We believe in His goodness, even when it isn’t always evident in the moment.

We are rich because of you, Mama!

There’s no way I could adequately articulate all of the things that you have taught me over the years.  The lesson that we truly are rich because of the Lord’s goodness and His steadfast love for us far surpasses anything you could have taught me about making as much money as I can as an adult. Thanks for teaching me what’s really important. 

Thanks for showing me that loving and serving others is not an inconvenience.   You always opened our home to whoever couldn’t go home for the holidays; you fed the study groups (and football team) we brought home; and you offered our couch to anyone who needed a place to crash for the night.  She, you embody what it means to serve one another and see to it that no one is in need (Acts 4:32-35).

“Thank you” doesn’t seem like near enough to attempt to express my gratitude for you and your life.  But it will have to do, so… “Thank you, She!”

We are rich; we are rich indeed!

Happy Mother’s Day, She!!

Proverbs 31:29 – "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”

The day between: Hope After Infertility and Miscarriage

 

I wish I could adequately express the measure of the Lord’s faithfulness in our lives over the past eight months.  Joseph and I have been blessed by sweet friends and family members who have loved on us, prayed for us, and have served us well since losing our sweet baby in July 2014.

There have been many times we have questioned why we were allowed to go through infertility and then experience a miscarriage.  Over and over again the Lord whispers so sweetly, “I entrusted you with this.”

The pain of losing a child is real.  After waiting so long to become pregnant and to experience the joy of awaiting a child’s arrival only to have empty arms after such a tragedy is something indescribable.

Though there have been many tears shed over the loss of our first baby, I can testify that hope is on the other side of the painful journey that I know so many are walking just as we did.

In the days and months just after the miscarriage, Joseph and I had many conversations concerning our satisfaction in the Lord alone.  If we were to become pregnant again, we would praise Him.  If not, we would praise Him.

We are grateful and humbled that the Lord has blessed us with another pregnancy.  Three months after we lost the first baby, we were delightfully surprised that we were pregnant again.  The grace of the Lord has been so evident to us throughout the past several months.

Though I am able to rejoice about the arrival of Baby Charlton in July 2015, I often still think about our first child.  I will be forever grateful for the ways in which the Lord has used our story to minister to others experiencing the same tragedy.  Even still, I wonder a great deal about who they would have looked like, if they would have been super intelligent like Joseph or sarcastic like me.  I know that the Lord doesn’t mind my wondering, because it’s in those moments that He reassures me of the hope that I have in Him. 

Regardless of our circumstances, the unfulfilled longings of our hearts, or even our uncertainty in difficult moments, we can cling to the hope we have in Him.

Hebrews 6:19 “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”

I know that there are many in a season of waiting.  Waiting for the right job; waiting for their spouse to finally arrive on the scene; waiting for a child; waiting for reassurance that they are where they need to be.

THERE IS HOPE IN JESUS!  In the moments of our wondering if we would become pregnant again after the miscarriage, hope was the theme the Lord continued to reveal to us.  As we long for Him to move on our behalf, He always reveals more of Who He is.  His sufficiency prodded Joseph and me to come to a sweet place of surrender.  Even if our hearts longing to be parents was to be unfulfilled, Jesus would be praised.  When He becomes our hearts object of affection above everything else, He truly becomes our all.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  We still wanted a child, but if the Lord saw fit for us not to have a baby, we chose to praise Him just the same.

My encouragement today comes from the beautiful, yet difficult, lessons the Father has taught me over the past several months.  Though I don’t have answers for all of His reasoning behind entrusting us with the journey of infertility and a miscarriage, I do know that part of it was to make Him name known.

Our prayer before we became pregnant last summer was for our child to impact the nations for the sake of Christ’s name and His renown.  My blog “Ministry in Miscarriage” was the avenue in which the Lord answered that prayer.  The Lord instructed very clearly to share our story.  At the time, I didn’t quite understand why.  He chose to entrust us with the journey we have walked in order for thirteen countries to read the blog and respond.  Thirteen!  Only the Lord could use a simply written blog post to reach several countries in order for them to hear about the hope we have in Christ.

Today I am more confident of this hope than ever before.

Today is the day between…

Yesterday we had a terrific appointment to check on Baby Charlton (and to find out baby’s gender!).  Tomorrow is the due date given for our first pregnancy.

Today, the day between the moment of celebrating a healthy baby and the day we mourn for our first child, His hope is so present.

This morning I cried just thinking of how beautifully God has orchestrated everything for us.  My banner verse, Romans 5:6, rings true again.  “At just the right time” He has chosen to fulfill His promises.  Only He could remind us of His faithfulness through an ultrasound of Baby Charlton just two days before our first due date and plan our pregnancy in such a manner that allows us to welcome our child into the world almost a year to the day that we miscarried.

Life after infertility and miscarriage are full of hope.

Please be encouraged.  He knows your longing that you are desperately seeking Him to fulfill.  He knows the disappointments you have endured along the way.  And He remains steadfast through it all.

Keep seeking Him.  Allow Him to truly be your sufficiency.  Your desires may never come to fruition, but you can be assured that dwelling in His presence grants to us His love and goodness in our lives. (Psalm 23:6)

On this, the day between what will soon be and what could have been for us, Joseph and I are confident in the Lord’s plan for our lives and for the lives of our children.

Whatever season you find yourself in, may your hope in the Lord and His goodness remain steadfast.

 

Ministry in Miscarriage

Cohutta Springs - where I spent 3 days in our room alone with the Lord overlooking this view

Before you begin to read about the Lord’s faithfulness to us through this journey, please know that my aim in this is not to gain pity.  Your prayers weigh more important to us than pity.  God is working all things together for our good (Romans 8:28).

Over the past several weeks Joseph and I have often referred to everything as “surreal”.

After waiting to become expecting parents for eleven months, the Lord’s faithfulness reigned over us and we confirmed that we would be holding our long anticipated blessing in February 2015.

The joy we felt was unlike anything we’ve experienced.  After so many prayers… after waiting… after so many tears… finally!  It was surreal that what we had hoped to be for so long was now a reality.

In September 2013 the Lord promised me Hebrews 6:14b-15 – “Surely I will bless you and multiply you.  And thus Abraham, having patiently waited, obtained the promise.”

Abraham received the promise and blessing of a child after he PATIENTLY waited.  I asked that the Lord teach both Joseph and me to completely trust Him, to wait for His timing and to rejoice through the journey.  Though this was much easier said than done, I clung to this promise.

In March 2014 I was told that it would be “difficult” to ever become pregnant.  In April 2014 I had to have a sonogram to measure cysts my doctor said we needed to evaluate for surgery.

Rather than finding cysts, they found nothing.  NOTHING.  God’s faithfulness over us has proved true over and over.  Imagine that:  God healed me COMPLETELY prior to ever seeing my doctor the second time.

Joseph and I know that this was nothing short of a miracle.  God chose to heal.  He chose to remind us of His goodness, though He didn’t have to.  He chose to love on us and remind us of His promise to us.

My “banner verse” for my life (Romans 5:6) reminds me of the Lord’s perfect timing in every single situation.  Infertility was simply an area we had to surrender to the Lord.  We had to learn how to be content as a family of two.  We had to remain teachable as God continues to mold us.

Infertility taught us much more than we anticipated, but the wait was still difficult.

In June 2014, after several positive pregnancy tests, Joseph and I were elated that our wait was over!  God’s promise was being fulfilled! (I constantly reminded myself of this as I dealt with the bout with nausea and bizarre cravings.) 

The first week of July 2014, just weeks after we found out about our pregnancy, Joseph and I were to be on a trip with the student ministry I am privileged to work with.

After just two days in north Georgia, I knew something wasn’t right.  After I spoke with my nurse about my symptoms I was put on bed rest.

I was so frustrated.  I was looking forward to camp with our students for months.  But the Lord had other plans.

He had me in our hotel-style room at camp for three days by myself through out the day in order for Him to speak.

All of my symptoms were pointing to miscarriage, but He was teaching me to love Him and trust Him regardless of the outcome.

The Lord loved on me in such a strong way over those three days.  His love over Joseph and me is not conditional.  Nor can our love for Him be conditional.  I had about ten minutes of screaming to the Lord asking why He would bless us with a baby after waiting all those months just to take them back.  He spoke so clearly, “My promise remains.” 

His love for me had not only been shown in my pregnancy.  His love over me is constant.  He reminded me of this through Joseph.  The way that Joseph chose to minister to me and love on me through those days showed Christ’s love.  Being so selfless and so attentive, Joseph’s actions caused me to gain a better understanding of the Lord through it all.  Regardless of the outcome, God had promised us to be with us.  His attentiveness to our need for comfort was not dependent on my wavering levels of trust in those moments.

In our hearts Joseph and I were still hopeful that everything would be fine.  We continued to seek to learn all that Lord desired for us to, striving to never allow the spirit of unbelief to settle in our hearts.

My sweet mom drove almost seven hours to pick us up from camp early.  Then, turned right around to drive us home. On our drive home through the night into the morning I was trying to simply process all that the Lord had been teaching me.

While I was in the room over those few days alone, God continually reminded me of the hope we have in Him.  Hebrews 6:19 – “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”  Our hope in Him simply does not disappoint, regardless of our circumstances.

After the second day, I knew deep down that we had lost our baby.

I had lots of questions.  I know the Lord didn’t mind my asking, because with each one He lovingly directed me to His Word.

Deuteronomy 15:6 – “For the Lord your God will bless you, as He promised.”  He is for us!  His gift of a child had been given to us and He was declaring over us that we would once again know the joy of pregnancy, but to also know the joy of having a child here with us.

Psalm 27: 13-14 –“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord
 in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”  The Lord so sweetly comforted me through these verses.  Joseph and I have been given the gift of “the land of the living” in our salvation in Christ Jesus.  But here, He was nudging me to pay attention to the necessity of waiting.  Through our circumstances we have been called to be strong and to take heart -- to wait for Him to act on our behalf.

The strength that He has called us to requires that Joseph and I depend on Him.  In difficult circumstances our first inclination is not to want to surrender our emotions in order for the Lord’s strength to carry us.

I have learned that the act of waiting is active.

I have seen how our waiting for answers requires active faith.  Waiting bids us to pray fervently.  Waiting causes us to depend on Who He is.

Infertility was never a road either of us thought we would walk.  It was “surreal”.  The Lord’s healing caused us to trust more deeply.

Pregnancy felt “surreal” because our wait had been so difficult.  Our excitement was almost uncontainable!

Then, this past Monday (7/7/14), after our miscarriage had been confirmed, it all felt “surreal”.

Rather than seeing our baby on the monitor, we saw the words “empty uterus”.

Despite how I thought I would react regardless of the outcome of Monday’s appointment, the “surreal” was that Joseph and I felt the peace of God sit so heavily in the room with us as we were told the news.

For us, there is ministry in miscarriage for many reasons.

To know that despite what medical professionals told me, I am able to get pregnant is a huge sign of God’s faithfulness over us.

To recall the moment when I was told, “Mrs. Charlton, all of the cysts are gone! You will not need surgery” revealed God had chosen to preform a miracle just for us.

God’s faithfulness doesn’t waiver!  Our hope in Him is secure.

Our circumstances do not determine our faithfulness to Him. 

Though going through a miscarriage was painful and difficult – physically, emotionally and spiritually – we know that the Lord has called us to share our story.

When we were told at our appointment Monday that 25%+ of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, I immediately thought of all of the women who have walked through this silently.

Our culture has somehow made women believe that miscarriage is a taboo topic.  I believe this is nothing short of a scheme of the Enemy to cause couples to believe that they must carry the burden of losing a child alone.

Galatians 6:2 tells Christ followers to “bear one another’s burdens” for a reason.  God is reminding us to see past our own needs and selfish desires in order to minister to those He has allowed us to be in fellowship with. 

When we become serious about actually “being the Body of Christ” it becomes far more difficult for us to become discouraged when we walk through a loss or other unexpected circumstance.  When we love on one another as Christ commands His followers to do so our faith is strengthened and God is glorified.

There have been and will continue to be difficult moments for Joseph and I to walk through after this loss.  However, the peace that the Lord has given us far outweighs our grief (Philippians 4:7). 

Our encouragement to others is to find strength in the joy the Lord gives you.  Our joy is not based on our circumstances; rather it is rooted in Who He is.  It’s okay to admit that there are difficult situations.  Through those moments, we must recognize how the Lord is cultivating more faith within us.

Psalm 28:7 – “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me.  My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.”

He sees the big picture.  He knows how He desires to use our current heartache to minister to others as we simply go about our lives. Do not remain silent about all He is teaching you.

We are honored that the Lord allowed us the privilege of knowing a child, even though only for a few weeks.

We are grateful to belong to the God who holds all things together. (Colossians 1:17)

We are privileged to share our story of His faithfulness with others.  He is worthy of our praise!